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Pe asta n-o duci cu zăhărelu’ - Ryu.ro

Pe asta n-o duci cu zăhărelu’

Deşi nu sunt un muritor de rând, obişnuiesc să mai cobor printe oameni, să iau parte la anumite activităţi, să-i observ în habitatul lor natural – în principiu, ca să nu uit de unde am plecat. De exemplu, zilele trecute am fost să mănânc într-un mare complex comercial. În timp ce cu modestia caracteristică exploram umilele bucate de pe platoul pe care mi-l dăduse doamna cu braţe mari, la masa din faţă mea s-a aşezat o femeie în vârstă. Încă de la început am observat că are un tic nervos, care consta în muşcarea excesivă a buzei de jos.  N-am emis vreo judecată cu privire la acest fapt fiindcă nimeni nu-i perfect – nici măcar eu, care, vorba aia… sunt.

     A luat loc la masă, şi-a aşezat plasa alături şi a început să cotrobăie prin ea. A scos pe masă o sticlă de Lipton de 0.5 litri, ce mai avea în ea aproximativ jumătate din sucul respectiv. Am oarecare dubii în privinţa lichidului care era în sticlă din cauza continuării, însă forma sticlei era, culoarea era… if it looks like a bird, it sounds like a bird, then it’s a bird. (Nu obişnuiesc să consum băutura cu pricina, aşadar nu sunt familiarizat cu toate sortimentele. Ştie toată lumea ce suc beau eu.) 

     După aceea a scos din plasă o pungă de zahăr, cred că plină – n-am observat dacă era deja deschisă sau a deschis-o atunci -, a luat sticla, a pitit-o puţin sub masă şi a început să toarne zahăr în ea. Gura generoasă a sticlei a făcut ca niciun grănunte să nu cadă pe lângă. Şi turna… şi turna… Pe măsură ce zahărul evada tot mai nestingherit din pungă, ochii au început să-mi devină din ce în ce mai mari – fix ca cei ai unui copil care îl surprinde pe Moş Crăciun coborând pe horn. 

     La un moment dat îmi era imposibil din punct de vedere anatomic să mai belesc ochii, iar turnatul tot nu se terminase. Atunci mi-a venit un gând ce avea în componenţa sa un ton părintesc-dojenitor: “ho, fă, nebuna dracului, că faci scleroză zaharată!!!” Îngăduitor din fire cum mă ştiţi, în ultimul ceas m-am decis s-o creditez pe mamaie cu o fărâmă de logică: “băi, poate touşi încearcă să vadă câte pungi de zahăr se pot dizolva într-o sticlă de Lipton”. Dar ea a început să bea… şi să bea…

Şi te mai miri de ce mor de tineri ăştia bătrâni.

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